hello old friend

It has been awhile since I posted hasn't it?  This was such a therapeutic place for me once upon a time and life just got in the way.  I didn't have time or energy to write.  I went from not knowing what the next step should be to suddenly planning a wedding to my best friend and then only three months later we were preparing for our first baby...

And six weeks after we got married my husband began working out of town and only coming home for the weekends.  That was so so very hard.  How does one learn to cleave when the person you are supposed to cleave to is miles away?  My love languages are very strongly split between Quality Time and Physical Touch.  Both were hard to get enough of with only Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.  I was able to go out and spend some time here and there with him but since I was working still I wasn't flexible enough to be able to do it much.  I'm going to be honest, I spent most evenings sobbing on the phone.  I felt like God was playing a cruel joke on me to give me my heart's desire of a husband then keeping us apart.  I would come home to an empty apartment at night and feel exhausted, hormonal and alone.

During the summer we moved to our house which helped a little to have more space and the dogs but it was still hard.  At some point I began to fear being alone when I went into labor.  Even if the midwife or my mother came right away, he was a 3 1/2 hour drive from me and that was a long time to labor without him.  Thankfully he finally finished up the job when I was 5 1/2 months and there was work enough locally to keep him through until the baby was born.  Isaiah Nolan was born in January only three weeks after I quit working, and in May Jonathan began working out of town again only this time it's even worse--he is only home from about Saturday around 7 PM until Monday at 7 AM.  And whereas last year we could spend the evening watching TV in sync together or talking, he is working until 8 or 9 PM every night.  The only thing keeping me sane so far is that I've been able to visit almost every other week and when I am home I have an amazing little boy to snuggle and fill my days with.  I have also been able to attend a bible study once a week and make trips to visit my mom and others to give some distraction.

I've had a lot of people with the best of intentions tell me to "look at the bright side"--it could be worse!  He could be in the military or something and I could not see him for a year at a time.  Can we just all agree that the WORST thing to say to someone who is hurting is "look at the bright side"?  Why do we feel we must build them up with how much worse they could have it?  Sometimes things hurt and that's the way it is.  Let's just hug each other and feel their pain too rather than say things like "well at least he's got a job".

Sorry for the rambly post but I guess I'm sort of trying to insert a transition from what this blog used to be to whatever comes now.  I'm not sure I have it figured out but I know how much I enjoy reading others blogs so I thought maybe there's someone out there who will find something they can relate to here.  I'm the kind of person who appreciates real transparency and honesty and the nitty gritty.  I am sure there will be some of that.  I'm sure there will be talk about my baby and motherhood, homemaking, and many other things.  I have become fascinated with babies on a whole new level now that I have one of my own.  It's so much different when you actually have the ability to practice all the theories you have in your head.  I'm sure the topic of fitness and health is going to surface as it's ever present on my mind--learning to keep everything in moderation, to be healthy and strong but also being realistic with what I am able to achieve.  It seems like most people are always on the extremes with crazy exercise regimens and strict diets.  My goal is simply to keep my body healthy for my sake and for the sake of the children it will grow and nourish.  And even if none of these things are where you are I hope to also speak of spiritual growth and what I am learning.  I know that what I love about blogs is the ability to visit with so many different kinds of people from different walks of life.  So just get a cup of coffee or tea and let's visit from time to time.