more on grace

I'm sure everyone I know is about sick to death of hearing viewpoints on grace vs legalism but I just had a few more musings that have been slowly penetrating while I've been reading various ones such as Kristin and Mr. Wychopen and others notes. Before I get into it though I will reiterate again that these are truths God has been showing me personally about incorrect concepts in my own life. I do not seek to tell others where they are wrong but rather share what God has brought me personally to.

Mr. Wychopen posted a little while ago something that has taken only until a few days AFTER he posted that to really sink in. Despite the fact that I have been saying it somehow it was one of those things that took a certain wording before it finally broke through some little imaginary wall in my own head. I can't find at this moment the exact article I was remembering but the idea was basically that there is NOTHING I can do to earn any more favor with God than I already have. It doesn't matter how "good" I am, it does not make me any more special in His sight. By the same token just because I am not as "good" as others it doesn't make me any less to Him. The only thing God sees when He looks at me is Jesus' righteousness and none of me. Now I have said these sorts of things before and fully believed that only Jesus saved me but somehow I still had this little lie in my head that to make God "happy" with me on any given day I should read my Bible, be kind to those around me, do my little list of things for the day etc etc. It was another root of legalism that had somehow worked it's way into my heart.

The article Mr. Wychopen had written kind of hung around in the back of my head for most of a day before it finally occurred to me. Everyone had gone to bed and the house was quiet. I had finished my shift and was thinking over the day's events as I got ready for bed. It literally was a light bulb moment in my head. I was still somehow trying to "earn" God's favor each day. I was still in my head saying "well today went badly but tomorrow I can be better God". There is no way for me to accurately describe how much of my life this lie was touching and perhaps no one close to me would even be able to tell a difference but there is one even if it's only between me and God. I can't tell you that suddenly I have this amazing desire to just spend hours in my Bible but I do have more of a longing now than I've ever had in my Christian life TO read it.

This song has a lot of similarities to the way I felt. There is therefore now no condemnation...

I’ve been searching
Wandering and hurting
Ashamed of the shape I’m in
Afraid you’ll see who I really am

But you invite me in
Doesn’t matter where I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
There’s nothing left to hide

How can this be
A love so unfailing
Reached down and lifted me
From ashes to beauty

And you invite me in
Doesn’t matter where I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
There’s nothing left to hide

You invite me in
Doesn’t matter who I’ve been
Your arms are open wide
Holding me to your side

Now I am walking away from the life I once knew
And running into your grace
It covers my shame again and again
I find my life in you

You invite us in
Doesn’t matter where we’ve been
Your arms are open wide
There’s nothing left to hide

You invite us in
Doesn’t matter who we’ve been
Your arms are open wide
Holding us to your side

Your arms are open wide