and the winner is....

So the poll was great fun and I loved all the comments that were made and IM'd me about the options. :) What I found to be most amusing is two of the most vocal and opinionated voices were males (both happened to vote for this case as well) and I got a kick out of their reasoning. It was also interesting to note how many friends voted for this saying it was "just me" when this was actually a completely last minute addition. Apparently France has already become part of my identity. I'm watching the site to see if iPhone cases will go on sale within the next couple of weeks because I also have a $10 coupon and I'd like to combine if possible. I will post a picture as soon as I get the case. :)

While on the subject of France, I have submitted my passport for renewal and we are trying to learn exactly what documents we need to have for my visa. It's kind of confusing (wow apparently government bureaucracy is the same no matter what country you are dealing with!) exactly what they want but we're working on it. I will be so glad to have that part figured out and done!!

decisions, decisions

I am notorious in my family for my lack of decision making ability. The more that hangs on the line for the decision the longer it takes me to decide on something. So this time when I couldn't make up my mind I thought maybe I could make a game of it! This is the kind of thing people expect from a blog anyway right? So I found a bunch of really cute iPhone cases on a site called Zazzle.com and want to get one but I can't pick which one to get. Below are the choices with a number below each and to the right column side just beneath the "About Me" section close to the top is the poll. You have one week (or less) to vote for your favorite. They are all customizeable so if you see one YOU like just click on the picture to be taken to the site so you can see what it looks like with your name or initials instead of mine. :)

and so it begins...

So they say that "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" but it began for me with a Facebook message...a proposition from a sweet family I met in France last year to come nanny for them as they pray God blesses them with a new little one. I was definitely surprised and completely honored to have been asked but after just a couple of days of pondering it, I could not see myself moving so far away from my family for a whole year and told them regretfully that I would not be able to help. I must admit that as I finished the message and moved my cursor to hit "send" I hesitated for a moment. It bothered me to tell them no but at the same time I felt it would bother me more to say yes. I tend to have difficulty saying no anyway and assured myself it was okay, that I couldn't help EVERY one.

A second request came, asking me if I would please pray with them for three weeks about it? Well surely I could handle that! If it really wasn't for me then there was no worries and I would definitely want God to send someone that could help them. But almost instantaneously a strange feeling of uneasiness began to bubble up inside. I found myself uninterested in praying seriously about whether God wanted me to go and was instead jumping straight to "God since You know I can't do this could You please send someone else?" The struggle grew within me because I knew this wasn't how I was to pray...I wasn't even allowing that God might be sending me, I was telling Him what I wanted Him to do. I knew this wasn't the right attitude to have but I felt like the more I prayed the harder I was clenching my fists shut and God was gently saying over and over "you have to open your hands". Somehow I knew though that if I did it would mean I had to go...

During this time I shared some of my thoughts and feelings with a few close friends trying to find some direction in just talking it through and secretly hoping they would have good reasons why I shouldn't go or help me think of some. So far the only reasons I had come up with on my own were primarily selfish. Of course God uses friends to speak to us and instead of giving direction either way the first few days the messages repeated themselves from more than one source--you promised to pray for three weeks about this, you have to follow through. Then a second insight that first started in my own heart but was confirmed aloud by another friend. What is your reason for being so sure you don't want to go? Well, I just can't leave my friends and family! Is God not enough? I was stunned at this one. Of course God is enough! But He gives us people for a reason, I argued. Are you not willing to let them go for God?

On and on I wrestled. My emotions swung like a pendulum back and forth, back and forth. One day I thought He was saying go and the next I just really didn't think I had that "peace" everyone said I would have because I couldn't get over what I would leave behind. But the true turning point came when one day I decided "since I don't have an obvious peace about going, I should just stay then". This lasted an hour or two and then the more the day went on the more uneasy I became. An older, wiser friend who happens to be my boss had made the statement that this opportunity was just made for me. I would be able to be a missionary as well as doing what I love helping with children and ministering to a Christian family. Of course she was right, but I was still having trouble unclenching my fists. As the days went on I realized more and more I really didn't have any good reasons to not go. Finally Sunday, the day before the three weeks ended, we heard a lesson at church from Dr. Charles Stanley on prayer and almost every point was confirmation that God had been giving me an answer all along, I was just choosing to not accept it. I wanted it to be easy and God doesn't ask us to do easy things. If we only did easy things we would never learn or draw closer to Him.

Of course it came back to my mind more than once how much I loved the French culture, food, etc...how I had told people when I came home that if it weren't so far away I could easily live some place like that. Oh yes, I did say that. It's probably in this blog somewhere too. I did find the language barrier to be quite troublesome but overall I liked the French life. And the clothes! It wasn't like God was asking me to go to China, or Africa, or India...places that I would surely find difficult to grasp the culture or language easily. He was sending me some place relatively "easy".

I messaged the family on Monday and let them know I had prayed about it and felt God directing me to move forward. The reply I got was so precious. They were thrilled to hear I would come. To hear them talk about it I was completely humbled. Who was I that the Lord chose me for this assignment, to be the answer to so many prayers? I felt like crying and knew more than ever I'd made the right decision.

So I begin this journey and wonder what all lies ahead. My previous trip to France felt so completely removed from my normal reality that I would probably liken it to stepping through the wardrobe to Narnia. I'm excited to go back and yet I know it won't all be fun and a piece of cake. There will be moments of loneliness, of homesickness, of missing the people I love...but He is enough. I would greatly appreciate your prayers and support on this new adventure. I'm definitely going to need it. :)

I realize I haven't blogged very much since I've been home. Part of this is a lack of a desire to really type anything that has been running through my head and part is that I've kept decently busy. I do think though that it is only likely to get busier from here on out. I've been keeping a darling 14 month old girl named Emma for the last couple of months and this coming week she goes to Montessori school. Later in February I will begin working full time for a new family. It will be the first time I consistently work 40 hours a week and I'm a bit anxious about that transition. I don't do nearly well enough keeping up with my responsibilities at home as it is and I'm about to have even less time. I did join a local singing group and I'm excited about that. It will definitely be a stretching experience musically and I know there is a LOT I have to learn, but I'm thrilled to be able to do it.

There is a rather big decision looming before me though that I'd really covet your prayers on. It's definitely something I never dreamed being a possibility and probably an opportunity that won't come up again. At the same time it's a huge step and would be insanely hard for me to do even with God's grace enabling me. If you think about me please pray for God's absolute crystal clear direction. Preferably in a handwritten note from God. ;) Just kidding. I am praying about this until February 14 and want to have absolute peace on whether or not I'm supposed to proceed. If it should become apparent this is God's will for me I will certainly be letting you know. :) (Mamma if you're reading this I promise to tell you about it next time I see you) God is good and He is always more than enough but sometimes it seems like He asks us awfully big things. Isn't this crazy thing we call life an adventure???

Stumbled across this tonight and I liked it a lot and wanted to share.

"What can it mean? Is it ought to Him
That the days are long, and the nights are dim?
Can He be touched by the griefs I bear,
Which sadden the heart and whiten the hair?
About His throne are eternal calms,
And strong glad music of happy psalms,
And bliss unruffled by any strife--:
How can HE care for my little life?

And yet, I want Him to care for me,
While I live in this world where sorrows be.
When the lights die down from the path I take;
When strength is feeble and friends forsake;

And love and music which once did bless,
Have left me to silence and loneliness;
Then my life-song changes to sobbing prayers,
And my heart cries out for a GOD WHO CARES.

When shadows hang o'er the whole day long,
And my spirit is bowed with shame and wrong,
And I am not good, and the bitter shade
Of conscious sin makes my soul afraid;
And the busy world has too much to do
To stay in its courses to help me through;
And I long for a Savior - can it be
That the God of the universe CARES FOR ME?

Oh, wonderful story of deathless Love,
Each child is dear to that heart above'
He fights for me when I cannot fight;
He comforts me in the gloom of night;
He lifts the burden, for He is strong;
He stills the sigh and awakes the song;
The sorrows that bear me down HE shares,
And loves and pardons because HE CARES.

Let all who are sad take heart again;
We are not alone in our hours of pain;
Our Father looks from His throne above
To soothe and comfort us with His love.
He leaves us not when the storms are high,
And we have safety, for He is nigh;
Can that be trouble which He doth share?
Oh, rest in peace, for the Lord DOES CARE."
(Hugh Miller)

We made it!

Well I realized I never posted that we successfully navigated our time without Amy and Charles and they made it back home to us. The last couple of days have been busy with trying to get caught up on laundry, some things around the house that I wasn't able to do on my own, and packing me up to head back home. I can hardly believe it's already time and yet it does seem like it's been forever that I've been here!

I have nothing extraordinary to share about these last few days. We had Raclette one last time for my farewell meal on Monday night and I made chocolate chip cookies one last time for them. This time they were just about perfect. :) Last time I made them they were SO DRY and I had to add tons of shortening and they STILL were dry. This time I started out with a whole cup less of flour and STILL TOO DRY. So bizarre. Apparently French flour is a bit different. But this time it was just a little too dry so I added a bit of shortening and made sure it had enough before cooking them. Then instead of cooking them all up I froze some of the dough in balls for Amy so they can pull them out and cook them fresh sometime in the future. Maybe they will think of me when they eat them. :)

Looks like I'm coming home just in time, Bath & Body Works is breaking out the fall scents and some new ones. Can't wait to smell them. :) The weather here has me definitely in the fall-ish mood! It's been cold and cloudy for the last three days. I did not bring enough long sleeves with me! I will remedy that the end of this month when we come for the retreat.

Well I'm going to try to get a little nap in before it's time to get to the airport. I have an 8:10 AM flight so we're headed to the airport at 6 AM. Au revoir my new French friends, I will miss you! But so AWFULLY glad to be able to see my home people again. "I've had my run, baby I'm done, I gotta go home." :)

today we did...

So this is my attempt at capturing what happens in a somewhat typical day here. For whatever it's worth.

7:11 AM - awakened by a little voice asking if he could get in the bed with me. I mumble something affirmative in response and he happily climbs in beside me and cuddles right up.
7:30 AM - alarm goes off and Thomas pops up asking "What's that?" I tell him it's time to get up and he is glad to hear it.
7:40 AM - wake up Sophie and check to be sure Emma is awake
7:48 AM - begin making coffee
7:52 AM - encourage everyone to come downstairs to eat breakfast as soon as they're dressed
7:55 AM - finish making coffee and sit down at the table
8:02 AM - call up the stairs a little more urgently for everyone to come eat
8:05 AM - everyone finally begins eating breakfast; Emma flips the switch to turn on the outlet the toaster is plugged into and the power to the house goes off again so I run downstairs to flip the button
8:12 AM - tell Sophie to brush her hair and find some shoes before her ride gets here
8:19 AM - remind Sophie she is still barefoot and her hair needs brushing and her ride will be here in one minute
8:22 AM - the gate bell rings and the Daisy goes crazy, I try to shush her and attach her to the leash before opening the door and gate
8:24 AM - call for Claire, it's time to GO
8:27 AM - let Daisy off her chain and breathe a big sigh
8:28 AM - put away breakfast things
8:45 AM - get sidetracked checking email and facebook for the morning and IMing with Joey on how to resell my iPhone
9:15 AM - check to be sure Thomas is appropriately dressed for tennis
9:17 AM - take a shower
9:31 AM - phone rings but nobody leaves a message so I don't pick it up (I can't speak French so odds are I couldn't talk to them anyway)
9:35 AM - gate rings again, Daisy freaks out again, it's Thomas's ride a little early (25 minutes!)
9:37 AM - coax Thomas into putting on tennis shoes instead of crocs
9:39 AM - sneak pair of socks in with Twinkle & Edit in his backpack
9:42 AM - start The Event premiere while washing dishes and straightening the kitchen
10:00 AM - move to living room and fold laundry while still watching
10:23 AM - attempt to straighten the house which looks like a bomb went off, take a comb away from Daisy who is chewing furiously
11:02 AM - Thomas comes home from tennis so my straightening changes from being productive to just neutralizing mess
11:25 AM - Thomas asks me to help him with his puzzle
11:36 AM - we discuss what to have for lunch, Thomas asks to have quiche (not one of the two options I gave), I decide quiche is fine and maybe while I'm at it I'll finish those apple streusel muffins Emma has been asking for
11:45 AM - Thomas asks if he should put the rest of the cheese in the quiche? A quick glance and I assure him it has PLENTY of cheese
11:47 AM - Claire comes home from school
12:05 PM - quiche goes into oven
12:17 PM - muffins go into oven
12:20 PM - I ask Claire to set the table so that it's ready when the girls get home from school
12:30 PM - quiche comes out
12:35 PM - muffins come out
12:45 PM - Emma and Sophie home from school and lunch commences
1:10 PM - I request help with the house and haggle a ten minute clean-up in exchange for watching The Newsies
1:14 PM - I take the basket with my folded clothes down the basement and discover the rug in front of the dehumidifier is completely soaked. I call for Claire to help me investigate the source.
1:18 PM - we establish that it is the dehumidifier although we don't know why and I turn it off and empty the reservoir, Claire takes the rug outside to dry
1:20 PM - I start another load of laundry before emerging from the basement to find the kids have done an excellent job with the cleanup. We extend it by five minutes to make up for the time spent in the basement and get the last little things put away out of the living room, Claire goes back to doing lunch dishes
1:35 PM - swimming lesson things are gathered so that they are ready to go
1:55 PM - we finally start The Newsies
2:45 PM - I can tell it's finally morning in the States because Savanna, Mom and Fezz all IM me within ten minutes
3:15 PM - we pause the movie and get shoes on for swimming lessons and grab some goûter to eat on the way
3:33 PM - set off for swimming lessons!
3:47 PM - get Sophie changed into swimsuit and the rest of us settle in to wait
4:45 PM - Claire and Emma head back to change, Sophie comes out from her lesson
5:03 PM - Thomas is ready to go home
5:25 PM - Thomas REALLY wants to go home now, I feel like I could fall asleep right where I'm at and wonder why since I've been getting somewhere in the vicinity of seven hours of sleep but decide maybe I should try eight hours tonight
5:45 PM - Claire and Emma are done, load up the car to go home
6:10 PM - arrive at home and decide on sandwiches for dinner
6:18 PM - begin getting out food, ask for the table to be set
6:37 PM - Emma volunteers to make smoothies again to go with dinner
6:45 PM - call everyone to the table
6:56 PM - Sophie gasps and says "I just saw a cat walk past!"; she, Claire and Thomas get up to investigate
6:57 PM - there is indeed a cat randomly walking up the stairs in the house; Daisy is not happy with this, we lock her in Claire's room while we deal with the cat
7:00 PM - the cat is friendly (albeit very skinny) but knows we are onto her and she doesn't intend to leave
7:10 PM - finally get cat out of house and get everyone back to dinner table; Thomas tells me he loves me for the 342nd time but it still has the same effect as the first :)
7:15 PM - I ask Emma stay at the table and finish eating and can NOT go out to check on the cat
7:17 PM - insist that Emma WILL NOT leave her seat until she is through with dinner
7:25 PM - someone opens the front door and in darts the cat again
7:26 PM - Daisy panics and I lock her in the kitchen
7:30 PM - cat is once more out of the house and I instruct the older two to begin dishes and the younger two to get ready for bed
7:32 PM - I open my work assignments from Bazaar
7:37 PM - I discover Emma is giving the cat milk from the window
7:45 PM - check on Thomas, is playing in his room so I assist him in finding clothes for tomorrow
7:53 PM - realize Twinkle & Edit are still in Thomas's backpack and we think it's still in the van
7:55 PM - the cat rubs around my ankles while I check the van. I decide maybe she can't figure out how to leave because the gate is closed, so I open and she runs happily out
7:57 PM - Emma is very heartbroken that I let the cat go, I redirect her back to the dishes
8:00 PM - Thomas found his backpack upstairs and I tell him to put his jammies on
8:01 PM - read a book, sing, and pray with Sophie
8:10 PM - find Thomas in jammies like I asked, read a book, sing and pray with him
8:18 PM - go back to work assignments, Emma is still moaning about the cat and asks to call her parents (to ask if she can keep the cat that is already gone)
8:30 PM - I attempt to send Emma to her room for bedtime prep
8:33 PM - Emma wants to know what Claire is typing to her aunt and Claire says she'll show her for €1. Emma happily agrees and pays up only to be disappointed at the non-juiciness of the email.
8:40 PM - I insist Emma must now go up to bed since lights are to be out in five minutes and remind Claire her time is coming too
8:55 PM - Claire heads off to bed
9:01 PM - I work feverishly on Bazaar but I have over 90,000 characters in profile names to read through and my eyes really don't do well
11:02 PM - I begin writing this post interspersed with many checks of facebook and a few emails I remember I was supposed to write
11:45 PM - remember the laundry is still in the washer
11:52 PM - walk past kitchen on my way from moving the laundry to the dryer and realize a few things didn't get put away after dinner
12:02 AM - get ready for bed and my back reminds me how long it's been since I went to see Dr. Ky
12:10 AM - I am tempted for the twentieth time today to buy the iPhone 4 so it is waiting for me when I get home and resist the urge only because I'm too tired to hunt up my credit card
12:13 AM - remember that I was hoping to go to bed earlier tonight...oops; but try to assure myself that tomorrow I can take a nap while the kids are at school
12:15 AM - move undone items from my to do list to tomorrow (i.e. vacuum house, mop kitchen)
12:30 AM - send email to Amy about leaking dehumidifier

And that was pretty much our day. So crazy to think a week from now I will be home in Texas!! I will definitely miss these kiddos but I am also looking forward to being home with "my" kiddos.

Mom is off to Michigan on an all expense paid trip to a special mothers conference and we are so excited for her! It's exactly what I had been praying for, that she would get an opportunity to get away from life for a few days and take some deep breaths. I know it's been amazingly helpful for me!

Well I'd really like to get some sleep now so I'm going to close this. Love to all at home!