Tuesday, May 19, 2009

a song in my heart

While I'm on the topic of music I thought I would post a little about the title to my blog. It has multiple meanings of course but the one that stands out right now has a lot to do with my personality. I love music and I think anyone who knows me would know that. I had noticed this about myself before but it has been more obvious this last week than in a long time and made me begin thinking more about it but you can tell a lot about my mood by whether or not I am singing. If there is music on and I know the song it is just inevitable that I will begin humming or singing along.

I remember the Psalty books from when I was young and more specifically a book about his daughter Melody. Something happened in the book and Melody "lost her song". She was only able to sing again when she had confessed whatever it was she had done wrong and asked for forgiveness from her dad. I have found that to be true of myself. When I am in a bad mood whether it be because I'm annoyed with someone or sad or frustrated I have a hard time singing. Normally I won't be able to KEEP myself from singing and I think it would be a very effective method of torture for me if someone were ever to say "I'm going to play this music and you can't sing all day or you will die". I'd probably end up dying within five minutes haha!!

It's been a good check in the past to nudge me that I need to straighten up my attitude but this weekend it was different. I just had a hard time singing and I didn't know why. Since Thursday I felt very burdened about a lot of things and just felt like I surely couldn't go on any longer. on Sunday we had both Sunday School and morning service all about faith in God to do the impossible for us. It was convicting in some ways and encouraging in others. I know I talk about faith a lot and truly believe in it but sometimes if you take your eyes off Jesus just for a split second to look at the water you begin to sink. I told God I can't do anything about my current situation...I've done everything He's shown me to do so far and it seems now that I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place with a hammer banging away on top. The rest of Sunday I was very drained emotionally but it is true that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Today when I plugged up my ipod I could feel my song coming back. Nothing has changed, no audible voice telling me how to proceed or special instructions arriving in the mail from God...I just felt that my batteries had been recharged and I was able to go again. It feels so much better when I can sing. :)


David said...

Great post. I too am a habitual singer and "lose my song" when I "go dark" (my term for my bad moods). If I'm not humming or singing along, something is wrong. Typically it is, as you say, because I took my eyes off of Christ.

Interestingly, I've passed this trait on to one of my girls. And it drives me nuts!!! She won't shut up! ;-)

But she's getting married this weekend and I'm sure I'll miss that noise soon enough.

Blessings, Dave